Burp and BOOM!

10:35pmRobert

Hey, did I show this to you:
News Link

10:36pmMe

Heh

No, but that's hilarious. Some kind of prank?

10:38pmRobert

It is designed to blend in with standard shipping containers. That is bad news. Watch their video.

We have snow!

10:44pmMe

Oooooo!

Supposedly, we're supposed to get some.

I doubt it.

10:44pmRobert

Still, you may get rain.

Did you notice that the missile can be fired at sea or on a train or from a semi?

10:45pmRobert

Indeed.

That's hilarious.

10:47pmRobert

Actually, no. This is frankly designed for rogue states and organisations.

The Club-M is already a portable missile system, so no need for this design unless you want to smuggle cruise missiles.

10:48pmMe

I know, just hilarious because I never thought a cargo container would make a good missile rack.

10:49pmRobert

They do. Defense experts have been concerned for years that a rogue state would develop one. Well one has - Russia.

Cargo containers lock together.

10:49pmMe

True.

Just seems so Wal-Marty.

10:51pmRobert

Well, if you want to smuggle a cruise missile, it is ideal. Who suspects a shipping container? Seriously. Think of how many times per week you see an intermodal container.

10:52pmMe

Oh, don't get me wrong, I get the genius behind it.

It just seems funny to me in a way.

10:53pmRobert

Think of the sensitive areas where intermodal containers go (ports, railyards, etc).

10:54pmMe

Yeah, I know. My first thought was that a shipping company goofs and a Toys R Us gets a missile while some terrorist gets a container full of teddy bears.

10:55pmRobert

Terrorist #1: "What the fuck are we going to do with 20 gross of Chinese teddy bears?"

Terrorist #2: "Sell them on E-bay?"

Meanwhile, at Toys R Us: "Damn, Smitty, those guys at Estes don't fuck around when it comes to model rockets!"

Also, I have this scenario in my head where a semi stops at a weigh station. The Highway Patrol officer reads the scale and says, "Damn, boy, what the hell are you carrying?! Open this sumbitch and let me have a look!"

10:59pmMe

Heh.

11:04pmRobert

Soooo many scenarios in my head...

11:04pmMe

What th' fuck you got there, sonny Jim?

That some kinda funky "play toy" for the missus?

11:05pmRobert

"By the beard of the Prophet, I swear that it is plumbing supplies."

11:05pmMe

Bwahaha

Scary though.

11:06pmRobert

Yep. This kind of shit keep military planners awake at night.

11:07pmMe

No kidding.

11:07pmRobert

Still, I am amused by the idea of one accidentally being delivered to Toys R Us.

11:08pmMe

I don't wanna blow up, I'm a toys r us kid. There's lots of guns and ammo that terrorists like to play with. From IED's to planes to nuclear bombs, they have the scariest military hardware there is...

11:09pmRobert

LOL!

At Toy R Us, we sell the best damn war toys money can buy!

I feel a blogworthy item...

11:10pmMe

Heh.

11:10pmRobert

Seriously, this exchange is blogworthy, IMHO.

;-);-)

11:11pmMe

Alrighty, so it shall be done!

Complete and Utter Whore...

Oh, yes, this one is very unsafe for work reading... :)


11:28Robert

I am thinking of using the the phrase "hookers and blow" to rewrite some Barry Manilow songs...

I did work on a version of Copa Cabana in which Lola was a hitter for the mafia.

11:32pmMe

Her name was Lola, she was a coke head. She'd suck off every guy with a gleam in her eye. Then they would pay her, she'd then go spend it. Buying lines here and there and shoving needles in her thigh.

11:32pmRobert

LOL!

11:32pmMe

Her knees would hit the floor.

The men would cry for more.

She'd drop another dime and get real real high...

We're talking Hookers, hookers and blow-ow

11:34pmRobert

Her name was Lola
She was a hitter
She would whack a guy and never bat an eye

11:34pmMe

Ohhhhhhh... Punnery!

Well played!

11:35pmRobert

Thank ye.

:-):-)

There was blooshed and screaming at the Copa...Copa Cabana

bloodshed, that is...

11:36pmMe

Belinda was mine til the time that I found her. Blowing Jim. Sucking him. The Sue came along and loved me strong, or so I thought. Me and Sue...and her dog too...

Don't know that I will, but until I find out
If I have AIDS or Gonorrhea I'll find out...

Sorry, swapped to Neil Diamond there for a second.

11:37pmRobert

Still, well played, good sir!

11:37pmMe

I'll be what I am. A complete and utter whore. Complete and utter whore...

11:37pmRobert

Bwahahahaha!

I sense that this may be - dare I say it? - blogworthy.

11:38pmMe

Hrrrmmmmmm....

Hmmmmmmmm...

Why, naturally. Keep going. :)

11:40pmRobert

They come to the Mafia
TODAY
They wanna be wiseguys
TODAY...

They wanna get a favour
TODAY

11:41pmMe

My Family, tis of thee! Hit men of liberty. Of thee I sing, of thee I siiinnnng toooodaaayyy!

11:42pmRobert

Oh, la bella mafia
TODAY
Oh, las cosa nostra
TODAY

LA coas nostra, that is...

cosa (DAMN TYPOS)

11:44pmMe

Buwahahaha!

Sweet Godfather, tis of thee. Strong man of liberty. For thee I kill...

11:46pmRobert

TODAY

From the rackets to the numbers
We work for the Mafia

11:46pmMe

Oddly enough, I actually deployed some Neil Diamond in the car today.

Was in one of those moods.

11:47pmRobert

I understand...

11:47pmMe

Yep. Crunchy Granola Suite followed by some I Am, I Said and finished with some Porcupine Pie.

A well balanced meal, I suppose.

11:47pmRobert

Cracklin' Rosie like to dress like man...

Ugh, typos...

Cracklin' Rosie liked to dress like a man

She insisted that folks call her Sam

11:52pmMe

Ohhhh I love my Rosie, er, Sam... She/he got the way to make me confused.

11:53pmRobert

She makes me dress just like a woman
Our relationship is plain confusin'

11:54pmMe

Cracklin' Rose, you're a sturdy manwoman, lift Volkswagons while guitar strummin', swingin' your fake dick at passers by singin' "Hey now, hey now, hey sailor!"

Yes, I did have a very stressful day. Why would one ask?

Hehe

11:55pmRobert

If I had been drinking something, it would be all over the screen now...

11:55pmMe

Bows

11:57pmRobert

For some reason, I just had a mental image of Eminem covering Neil Diamond songs...

And vice versa...

Neil Diamond sings "Ass like that"...

11:58pmMe

Would probably improve the song 10000%

For all that Neil touches is Gold.

...except the Jazz Singer. Shouldn't mess with a classic.

11:58pmRobert

Thus it is written thus it shall be...

11:59pmMe

Verily. Thus spaketh Zarathrustra.

T'day 12:00amRobert

Duuuuum... Duuuuum.. De dum!

Boom boom boom boom

12:00amMe

Makes me want to clean up and go to Arby's*.


*I'm quite sure that I'll have to explain this phrase in another posting since it is likely I haven't told that story to the general public as yet...

Awards and Cheating In Las Vegas...

8:26pmRobert

We need a multiplayer game called Hookers and Blow. You go to Vegas and try not to pay for vices on the company credit card...

8:28pmMe

Bwahahaha!

Good challenge that...

8:31pmRobert

"You avoided the Mustang Ranch, 500 bounus points..."

8:33pmMe

BUSTED. LVPD caught you sticky handed while you were boning that $2 special behind the Bellagio. -2500 points, -1 Condom, +1 STD

8:34pmRobert

LOL

The whiskey and condoms appeared on your purchase card statement, - 1 Job.

8:37pmMe

Achievement Earned

Congratulations! You discovered your boss engaging in three way sexual congress with a showgirl and a donkey and have successfully blackmailed him into giving you a raise, earning you the Gotta Get Paid to Get Laid Achievement!

8:37pmRobert

LOL

Tonight On SEA-SPAN

10:59pmRobert

"Avast me shiverin' mateys, I have a wee piece o' legislation t' be readin' t' ye.

11:00pmMe

"Would the scurvy sea dog hailin' from Massachusetts please be yieldin' th' deck so that I may tell th' crew a tale?"

11:06pmRobert

"If the landlubbin' Senator from Michigan refuses t' cease interruptin' me yarn, I shal run 'im through with m' cutlass."

11:11pmMe

"Aye, and if we let th' wench from California have 'er way, the IRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrS will pillage every port in this country and give all th' plunder to 'er crew instead."

11:11pmRobert

"The scurvy harlot!"

11:11pmMe

"This country needs balance wit' everyone gettin' their fair share!"

"AVAST! Get ye to order, sea dogs! Ther' shall be no fightin' in this here chamber without proper parley first!"

11:15pmRobert

"Aye, let us have some decorum and discuss the pendin' legislation. Aye."

11:15pmMe

"I will keel haul the lot of yeh if ye don't pipe down and let the scurvy dog from Rhode Island tell his tale!"

"Arrr, point o' order, Madame Speaker, point o' order, argh!"

"What say ye, the loathesome yard dog from Virginia?"

I can do this all night.

heh

11:18pmRobert

Same here!

"Avast, yon scurvy mongrel from Illinois, prithee give more detail on yer admendment to the Omnibus Spending Bill. It stinks mightily like the guts o' a festerin' whale."

11:21pmMe

"I be advisin' th' cabin boy from Virgina to guard his tongue lest I feed it to the whales."

"Me amendment is fair and takes care o' the merchant fleet as well as the lads and lassies of this land."

11:24pmRobert

"Shiver me timbers, the jolly Senator from Florida doth offer a fittin' assessment o' th' provisional rider on the booty appraisal bill."

"Madame Speaker, if it be pleasin t' ye, I ask fer a recess for grog an' drainin' o' th' lizard."

11:26pmMe

Hahaha!

"On the bill, who be votin' Aye?"

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Now who be votin' Nay?"

11:28pmRobert

"All opposed, piss off."

"I say t' the scurvy lubber from Tennessee that he has the hands o' a wee wench and the brains o' a limpet."

11:35pmMe

"The ayes have it then! Let us conclude today's parley with our national shanty!"

"Ohhhh AHOY! Can ye see?
By the dawn's early light?
What so proudly we sailed
And of our wenches big titties.

Who's drunk grog and shouted ARRRS
So put the fear in the sea?
Gave proof through th' night
Extra brandy we hath snifted

Oh say can ye landlubbers
Proudly swab our decks
Of our mighty pirate fleet
And the docks we call home."

Skipped a verse because my brain was hurting.

heh

11:36pmRobert

I bow to you, sir.

11:36pmMe

Thank ye!

11:36pmRobert

I am going to have to copy that.

11:36pmMe

Awesome.

Home Improvement With R&R...

2:50pmRobert

"Today on This Old Henhouse, we are going to replace some chicken wire and add some oak paneling to the interior..."

2:52pmMe

"We decided to give this henhouse a more rustic look by changing the basic hay flooring with rushes of wheat and a barley finish."

2:56pmRobert

"We'll start by cleaning the dung off the old floor..."

2:59pmMe

Gad.

Now I'm thinking of "The Joy of Pecking"

"Now, we're going to take some Van Dyke brown and color in a happy little nest."

3:04pmRobert

"Look at that feed. Happy, happy feed. Now, let's add some loose feathers..."

3:06pmMe

Hilarious Bob Ross's Joy of Painting parody.

Happy feed.

Heh.

3:09pmRobert

Have you seen the poster featuring Bob Ross as the star of 24?

3:09pmMe

Oh gods no!

That must be epic.

That one was a lot better than the "Joy of Painting with Hitler" one.

3:11pmRobert

This video is friggin' hilarious

"The skipper's been drinking..."

3:13pmMe

Hahaha

3:13pmRobert

Hmmm, Bob Ross meets the Sopranos.

"This is going to be a happy f***ing hit..." (said softly and calmly)

3:15pmMe

Heh.

"Now I'm going to snort some happy little cocaine and whack Jimmy No Nose with my happy little 9mm."

3:16pmRobert

"We're going calmy and gently kill the mother f***ing bastard, yes we are."

"Look at the blood spatter. If we get a handkerchief, we can paint a little mural right here on the warehouse floor..."

3:18pmMe

Brilliant.

3:18pmRobert

Bob "The Brush" Ross.

3:19pmMe

Hee

"Joy of Painting" is way more entertaining than my customers' footage atm.

3:21pmRobert

"Look at poor Vinny The Knife. He died with a frown. No one should die with a frown. Let's paint a little grin on his face..."

"Happy, rosy cheecks for the stool pigeon rat bastard..."

3:22pmMe

"Why so serious, Vinny? You need some happy little trees to keep you company. OH and here's some happy little wolverines to bring joy to the forest creatures."

3:22pmRobert

Bwahahahaha.

Ah, the nearly endless possibilities. Boss Ross as the moderator on Crossfire. Bob Ross as a porn star (Happy, happy breasts...).

3:36pmMe

Bob Ross on COPS

Could you imagine if Bob Ross was the narrator for all the History Channel programs?

3:37pmRobert

"Then the German Army advanced into Poland, demolishing trees and killing people with happy panzers and adorable artillery shells.

"There were many pretty explosions with really, pleasant and bright colours..."

"The war gave a whole new meaning to burnt umber..."

Hi Ho, Geoffrey, AWAAAAY!

1:03pmRobert

Boston.com article regarding use of GPS tracking devices in criminal investigations.

1:06pmMe

Ohhhhh joy.

Not that the smarter criminals won't find a workaround or anything.

Plus that is just bad for privacy rights.

1:08pmRobert

Not just that, but what about the 4th Amendment?

1:08pmMe

Exactly.

Wonder if they'll try to appeal further.

1:09pmRobert

I am all for cracking down on crime, but this rubs my libertarian sensibilities all wrong.

This, to me, is tantamount to illegal search and seizure. Plus, it is like trespassing. If you want to keep tabs on a suspect, then do it the old fashioned way or get a friggin' court order to enter their property (in this case, a vehicle).

1:10pmMe

Supposedly, they had a warrant.

1:11pmRobert

I haven't read the rest of the article yet.

Thanks for that info.

1:11pmMe

NP.

Even then, still chaps the ass.

1:12pmRobert

Hmmmm. I just don't like the idea of placing a GPS tracker on a vehicle because of "suspicion."

1:12pmMe

Me either.

If I had somehow discovered that my car was being tracked via GPS, I would drive aimlessly.

Say...

Drive around 1604 four or five times.

1:16pmRobert

Or get a friend to drive around while you use their car.

1:16pmMe

Then I'd drive to Burger King, drive the 410 loop a few times and head home.

Or steal one.

1:16pmRobert

Yup.

Or get a Taxi, a rental car, etc.

1:17pmMe

Horse.

1:18pmRobert

Camel, emu with a saddle, mountain gorilla, etc.

1:18pmMe

Giraffe.

That'd be sweet.

Sticking up a bank and escaping on your getaway giraffe.

1:20pmRobert

"Can you describe the getaway vehicle?"
"Yes, it was a Giraffe."
"Who makes that?"
"Other giraffes, I guess."

1:20pmMe

HA!

You, sir, owe me a new keyboard.

1:20pmRobert

Why thank you. I do aim to amuse.

I now have a mental image of a gang of bank robbers clinging to a saddle in the back of a galloping giraffe.

on the back of...

1:25pmMe

HAHAHAHAA!

No, the first works better.

Gives new meaning to "exotic mount"

1:26pmRobert

Harhar.

The "getaway driver" holding the reins in his hand as the galloping giraffe strains against the bridle.

1:28pmMe

Soft core pr0n at its best.

1:30pmRobert

"Half a league, half a league rode the robbers from the First National Bank..."

1:35pmMe

Bwahahaha!

1:36pmRobert

"Police to the left, Police to the right..."

1:40pmMe

"And safe was I due to the giraffe's height."

1:40pmRobert

LOL