Saga of a Star World...

I find myself unable to listen to the radio between the hours of 5 AM and 11 PM. Indeed, the only saving grace that I've found that prevents me from ripping the antenna from my vehicle is Coast to Coast AM, mostly because if there's one thing that insomniacs such as myself crave, it's six hours of alien invasions, remote viewing and talk of how the Illuminati will rule the planet forever.

Yep, good times.

Truth is that modern radio is a farce and has been for many years. And before I journey further, let me preface that if you are a fan of modern terrestrial radio, I'm about to launch a salvo of snot-nuggets on your parade.

First off, the music stations bother me. I used to have a link that I would refer to from time to time that would breakdown each local station's playlists and let you know how many times a certain song was played each week and the numbers were astounding! The link has sadly gone stale mostly because the guy who ran the site that contained such concise information couldn't afford to subscribe to the commercially run playlist info sites that kept track of the numbers. Apparently, the commercial site realized that there was actually entities out there who'd pay an arm and a leg to have access to that information so as to better plan their own advertising campaigns.

Why I mention this is important because it is something that, if you had the desire and spare time in the day, you could count for yourself. Listen to your local average hip-hop station or 'alternative rock' stations and you will notice what I am talking about. It was not uncommon to hear the same three songs played at least once or even twice per hour.

Add in the fact that most of the larger communication corporations are slowly, yet surely, homogenizing their content and consolidating their operations and it is not uncommon to travel from coast to coast and hear the same dj's playing the same playlists and attempting to "entertain the masses" by performing stupid pranks and acting like they are the coolest thing on the planet since the last Ice Age. Truth be told, their schtick is about as played out and as old as the time of the wooly mammoths.

Regardless of the company line, the truth is all there in front of you if you have half a mind to use your good senses. The "music" today is what the industry wants you to love, crave and purchase. True artists were shown the door long ago in favor of the 'flavor of the week' and the no talent hacks who cannibalize other artists' works for the sake of adding a few choice 'uh huh, girls' and a barrage of colorful metaphors.

The modern popular "artist" is one who relies on mechanical voice enhancers and a somewhat attractive physique to get ahead. I refer to the Dead Kennedys' song "Pull My Strings" as an amusing reference point for this. The modern popular artist is little more than a chucklehead who follows the corporate line and reaps in the adoration of a audience who no longer knows any better, nor cares. I doubt that many of those who worship at the altar of popularity are even listening, er, reading, at this point.

Well, that is most certainly your right. It's not that I am just picking on the 'pop idols' either, just offering a fair warning to the world. I could care less about what music you are into, but I admit sometimes that I am confused as to why. There used to be things called "talent" and "originality" in music and I'll be damned if I can figure out what happened to it.

I've listened to a fair amount of the 'pop (although admittedly not usually by choice) and find myself appalled at the lack of originality. In one song, I hear the 'Knight Rider' theme, in another I hear the 'Stones overdubbed by some guy with a minimal grasp of the human language beyond uttering the words 'bitches' and 'yeah' every few seconds. And don't even get me started on either 'My Humps' or that 'Laffy Taffy,' songs that remind me of ones that would be invented by your average fourth grader when the adults aren't around.

Moving right along, I find Talk Radio disgusting. I am setting my sights squarely on both the 'conservative' radio AND the Air America-type outlets here.

Talk about unoriginality. One side bitches about the liberal mindset and the failure of the 'spineless' Democratic Party to have a standard to rally to while the other bitches about how the 'Bush Uber Alles' Republican Party is leading us down the merry path to Armageddon and eventually to Hell, which is being built by Halliburton by the way.

It's the same five talking points every single day. Has been for years. Honestly, a lot of that is fueled by the political climate of our nation, but it truly wears thin. Especially when these talking points are professed by hosts who either claim to be blessed with talent loaned to him by the Almighty or by hosts who's claim to fame was a mildly successful association with a variety comedy show that has long lost touch with the public mindset.

It's the same thing, all day, every day. "Bush is teh sexxxy hotness!" and "Bush is teh Antichrist extrordinaire." Throw a little Iraq, some border protection discussion, add a sprinkle of 9/11, soak in a vat of journalistic lack of integrity and you've got a recipe for political overload and disgust in the whole process.

Finally, we settle on what I call the leftover stations.

NPR is reasonable at times, although slightly slanted in their own viewpoints, namely towards those who control their budget. Think an audio version of PBS. NPR's Car Talk is still pretty sweet though, even after all the years.

The other music genre stations also have playlists of their own, though they seem to be a little more reasonable with diversity in airplay than their more popular cousins.

What can I say about the religious stations? They typically have one general viewpoint and 25,000 watts of power. I think if they opened their markets to shows that fueled honest multi-cultural debates about the philosophical nature of why we are here and how, they may have a larger audience. Or would the federal 'Office of Religious Instruction' have a problem with that? Assuming that there actually is an 'Office of Religious Instruction.' I guess I'll have to listen to Coast to Coast a little more often...

In conclusion, I have serious doubts as to why terrestrial radio is even considered a vibrant, changing media. Perhaps this doubt is more common than I have imagined and is one of the reasons why the numbers are slowly shrinking as people switch to their car stereo satellite or their iPod.

Or just switch the whole thing off.