Communique...

"Sir, we've got a major problem down here," the Overseer for Mental Creativity's voice said bluntly through the intercom system.

"Yes, what is?" Control asked, surprised somewhat to hear the long-silent voice of the Overseer of MC. The Overseer had been rather active during the previous year up until this past March, when the onset of another Great Crisis had placed a large drain on resources.

The Controller listened patiently as the Overseer cleared his throat. Control regarded the Overseer in a friendly mindset, mostly because of the Overseer's past endeavours which had provided times of increased productivity and great positive benefits to the Collective as a whole.

That the Overseer had been silent for so long had not gone unnoticed, but that was also to be expected. He knew the situation as well as the rest of the Collective. Crisis management came first, Collective maintenance second and creative endeavours third. The Controller had taken note that the rest of the Collective was rather tired and could stand a little diversion.

The Overseer could be heard to be sucking in a deep breath. The news he had was grave, his words having been chosen carefully for maximum impact. He was never one to beat about the bush.

"We're dead, or rather, we're dying down here," he stated flatly.

The Controller sighed to himself. This was not going to be an easy conversation. "What's your situation report?"

"Our SitRep is this, sir," the Overseer replied, "We're down 76.2% here in regards to manpower and resources. Quite frankly, the staff we do have are working practically non-stop in supporting the departments of Maintenance and Treasury."

The Controller considered this as he glanced at the Master Report and frowned slightly. "You're absolutely right on that, OMC. We've had to shunt those resources to maintain survival of the Collective. You know how it's been these past six months."

"Six months, Hell, try the past decade," the Overseer snorted, "it's not been exactly a walk in the park for us now has it?"

'He has a point there,' the Controller admitted. The Collective had been under assault from one Crisis after another throughout the past ten years, so it wasn't any wonder that this state of affairs hadn't gone unnoticed. Lately, the overall morale of the Collective had sunk to a new low. Change was needed, a distraction at the very least.

The Controller began to tap gently on his desk as he pondered possible solutions to this new situation. He was always open for suggestions though.

"What do you propose?" the Controller asked, hoping for a near miracle of sorts.

"A Great Project, Controller," the OMC chirruped grandly, "One that will harness the collaborative efforts of not only our society but those of our allies.

The Controller considered this for a moment, "Something along the lines of that Historical Preservation project we completed almost three years ago?"

"Something like that, sir," the Overseer replied, "Except this will require the cooperation of allied governments as well as those of our own."

"Go on, I'm listening," the Controller said, succumbing to his own curiosity.

The Overseer could almost be heard to be tap dancing on the line. This idea finally had merit and could possibly boost the Collective from the, well, collective funk that they had been in.

He drew a huge breath and launched into his explanation, "We contact the representatives of our related allied governments and attempt to pool our multimedia and creative resources in an attempt to create a lasting monument to the remaining Great-Ancestor, who as you know, turns 90 this year."

"What?!?" the Controller spat in disbelief, "You can't seriously be thinking of creating such a thing in time for his birthday, are you? That gives us only two months!"

"We can do it," the Overseer gruffed, "if we work together."

"I can think of one or two of our 'related allies' that quite possibly would have nothing to contribute to this project," the Controller sighed, referring to certain governments that had long since severed diplomatic ties with the Collective, "Have you talked to State about this yet?"

Silence floated across the ether. The Overseer for the Department of State was well renowned to have a stubborn streak that was famous around the world. Usually in State's mind, once ties were severed, they stayed that way until the offending government apologized. It may not be the best policy to have for a diplomat, but there were times when the only other alternative was open war.

"I ran it by him," the Overseer muttered, "He wasn't too keen on the idea, but was willing to extend a hand out for an effort of this magnitude. The worst the other government will say is 'no', right?"

"Assuming the other government replies at all," the Controller mused, "What about the Ancestor and her sister? Are they willing to support this Project?"

"I talked to Communications about that. Both have sent back replies supporting our endeavour."

"I see," the Controller nodded absently to the air, "Well, I don't see why we can't, barring any unforeseen unpleasantness, naturally."

"I'll tell the members of my department to give me a list of resources and manpower that we'll need from the Collective," the Overseer's voice was ecstatic, "We won't let you down."

The Controller chuckled "You rarely do, OMC, you rarely do. Let me know what resources you need from our allies as well and I will have State draft the appropriate communiques for me to sign as necessary."

"Will do," the Overseer agreed wholeheartedly, "It feels great to be back, sir."

"Good luck, OMC. With two months to finish this beast, you're going to need it!"

The line fell silent and the Controller reached for his scheduler. He actually found a free weekend around the time of the Great-Ancestor's birthday. Perhaps the Controller might present the completed Project to him directly. If nothing else, it'd be a good excuse to finally take a couple days off.

For now, there was a ton of work to do...

Takes Just Seconds to Say Goodbye...

I'm actually feeling a mixture of tired and empty today. I spent the past weekend entertaining my nephew and the fun was bittersweet.

I have four nephews and one niece, divided amongst two of my brothers. Sadly, diplomatic relations have long since broken down between one of my brothers and myself, so the only time I seem to be "allowed" to see my other three nephews is during family events at the neutral zone that is my parents' house. It's not for lack of trying, though. I've called to invite my nephs up for visits, day trips to the zoo and whatnot, but this brother has never seem fit to acquiesce to my offers.

Since a Cold War of sorts has developed over the past decade between us, it is unlikely that the status quo will change anytime soon. My brother stopped inviting me to the kids' birthdays and I've stopped attempting to invite them over. It's the way things run for now.

I cannot fault this brother's parenting skills. He's a damn good father and loves his kids more than life itself. He may not be one graced with good social skills with the rest of the family, but I have not one bad word to say about how he takes care of his family. And as much as I don't say it very often, I respect him for that.

I'm pretty much the unofficial "fun uncle" in the family. You know, the one who lets you stay up until midnight and lets you eat ice cream until you get sick to your stomach. Maybe not to that degree, but still. I don't think of myself as bad parenting material, but this whole deal just boils down to my brother and I still fighting over the same bullshit that we fought over since we were kids. I took his place as baby of the family and he never learned to get over it.

Still, even the Berlin Wall fell eventually. If nothing else, hopefully the kids will come and see me after they reach adulthood.

Getting back to my other-brother-with-kids, we've been on pretty good terms. They've lived fairly close to where I have for years, so we saw each other a lot more regularly. Recently, this brother and his family have decided to move halfway across the country. I think it's a good move for them. They like the East coast and in just about every respect, this move will give them a lot of opportunity.

As I posted earlier, my sister-in-law and my niece have already departed Eastward. My brother and nephew leave on Tuesday, which means that my brother is running around like mad trying to get the house up to snuff for sale.

I was happy to offer to watch the kid so that my brother could get his chores done. Picked him up after work and the weekend began.

Needless to say, I spoiled the kid rotten. We went to see "Monster House," which was an enjoyable flick. I had wanted to see Pirates 2 - Dead Man's Chest, but didn't think that it was wise to keep the kid out until 1AM. Two and a half hour movies do tend to be difficult to keep a nine year old still through. Hour and a half? No worries.

The next day was a day filled with breakfast tacos, swimming, movies, playing fetch with the dog, eating fried chicken and cartoons. I introduced the kid to Futurama and he attempted to introduce me into the complicated world of Pokemon. I stand ever convinced that Pokemon was crafted purely for the ADD minded, so I was able to hang - if only by a very thin thread.

Sunday arrived and it was time to return the lad to his dad. The car ride over was dead quiet. We were both fairly tired. It was like we were attempting to cram two years worth of fun into two days, so it was completely understandable.

It was odd, seeing their house almost completely empty. My brother picked up my neph and dropped him off on one of the cots that they were sleeping on these days. I gave the kid one last hug and told him to keep his folks out of trouble, a line that I'm famous for uttering.

My brother and I regarded the pile of boxes in the garage.

"Well, this is it," I mumbled.

"Yeah," he replied as he tossed a random bit of junk into a box, "pretty much."

"How long you think it'll take?" I ask, even though he's told me how long before at least two to three times.

"Hope to be in Bangor by Friday. We'll have to see. I at least want to be out of the state by Tuesday night. I don't really care how long I have to drive to do that. We're outta this godforsaken state by Tuesday."

I chuckled. My brother's love for Texas was pretty much the same as mine. He was as ready to go as I was, except this time he was actually doing it.

I contemplated this for a moment. I had been on the verge of a cross country move a few years back myself, yet I pulled back at the last moment for a myriad of reasons that I still shake my head about to this day. I should have left. Hell, I will still leave one day. When I am ready.

"Going to be able to fit all that in the truck?" I asked, absently sizing up the space required for this last load of stuff.

"Should do it," my brother replied.

"Yep," I agreed.

Silence drifted for a few moments. I could in this very moment understand why, after a visit with our family, my grandfather always insisted on sneaking away while the grandkids were at school. Goodbyes were tough as hell.

"Well, dude, I guess I should let you get back to it. I know you still have things to do," I muttered. I knew that he was busting ass to get things done and all I felt I was doing at this point was to delay him.

He nodded and replied in a sarcastic fashion that was typical of our family, "yeah, because you KNOW I'm looking forward to doing all that." He motioned to a pile of stuff yet to be sorted.

I laughed a bit. I could tell that he'd be up late the next couple of nights finishing up, so I didn't envy the task that lay ahead of him.

"Well, this is it," I observed for lack of something more insightful to say.

"Yeah," was his reply as he stretched his arms slightly for the obligatory brief brotherly hug, "take care, dude."

"You too, man. Drive safe."

We let go and I started walking back to the car. I couldn't let my emotions go just yet. I was sad that they were leaving, but I'd be damned if I was going to open the floodgates and let my brother see me cry. We as men don't do that unless our emotional shields are way, way, way, way, way down. I had to wait until my brother disappeared in the rear view mirror before I'd let that happen.

I mean, I'm happy as hell for them. This is a good move for them. I guess it's just that while we may not visit as much as we used to, they are doing something that will make them happy. I'll miss the hell out of my neph & niece though.

Fair winds on your travels, dudes.

The Quizzical, Questionable Q&A, Part 2!

Moving right along, dugagun, dugagun, footloose and fancy free...

As expected, wordiness ensued in the previous entry, so I continue the questions 5 from Trystera here!

Question #2. The movie (Rob: The First Thirty Years) is a major blockbuster hit! They
decide to produce a documentary sequel about the next six months in your life
-- you get an unlimited budget, and you can go anywhere and do anything. The
world is your oyster, unless you dislike oysters, in which case the world is
whatever bivalve you want. What do you do in those six months?

Well, first thing I would do is to pay off any and all debts that would accrue during that time. I would pay enough ahead in bills so that I wouldn't need to worry about a thing while I'm gone.

I would then climb into bed and sleep, hopefully as long as I can. 12 - 14 hours would do the trick nicely, I think.

I would wake up to a fresh new day, have myself a Dr. Pepper and GET TO WORK.

Hooyeah! I would rustle up some film/video equipment, a whole bunch of travelling gear and start off touring the country. I would stop wherever I wanted, filmed whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted and slept wherever I wanted.

I would sleep in a canoe after eating a hearty repast of Milk Duds and Whoppers, if I so chose. I would allow myself to be as random as possible and flit about hither and yon without a plan and without a goal.

I would then commandeer my own aircraft carrier and tour the freaking planet. Seriously, that'd be pretty bitchin' having my own floating airbase to travel around in. I would fly a jet, I would play football on it, I would run amuck if I so chose, stopping in whatever port o' call tickled my fancy.

I would delve into history, dive into local cuisine and drive around the planet. And I would film everything!

Then, after that, I would go back, use whatever footage I had and add in tons of studio-crafted hilarity for one of the most utterly ridiculous travel programs in television history.

After that, I'm going to Disneyland. And Knott's Berry Farm, why not?

Then, I would stop behaving like an ass and try to do some good with my remaining time. I'd go see far-flung friends & family and break nachos with them.

I'd write, I'd reflect.

I would stand on the pier and stare off at the ocean.

I'd make a sandwich.

I'd try to find meaning and direction in my life.

I'd find, possibly, true love?

Question 3. Of course, with two wildly successful films under your belt, you can now
afford to live wherever you want to live, and can have any kind of house you
want. You do a little searching, and you finally find the perfect environment
for your new home. What's it like? What sorts of features does your home
have, once you make it?

I've always fancied a converted missile silo myself. Seriously, if you think about it, a silo's pretty neat to lurk in.

I'd have the typical 2 Bd/2 Ba house on top, purely to serve as my welcome center and gift shop. Heh. Riiiiiight. Like I'm as cool as Former President William Howard Taft or something.

But, no, the house usually comes standard with silo homes and would probably serve as a guest house mostly. I'd have a pool outside to maintain a golden tan and a ton of room for my dog(s) to run amuck.

Inside, I'd have modern electronics, electricity and every technogadget that I deemed awesome. I'd have an indoor pool, a bowling alley, nice bedrooms, good sized kitchen and dining facilities, a hawesome computer/entertainment room and a huge personal library room.

As for the silo itself, I'd either find a way to turn it into an observatory or lease it to Dr. Cochrane so that he can perfect his warp-speed capable rocket. Who knows?

Oh, yeah, I would also build an above ground 30,000 square foot castle. For whenever I tire of living like a mole. Or just because.

Seriously though, I'd rather just have a modest place overlooking the ocean (but not one plagued by hurricanes, mudslides or earthquakes). Modest appliances, electronics, etc. I'm not really too big on stuff, but if I could live wherever I wanted, it'd be by the sea.

Just want a place to create, write, sleep and relax. The rest is just stuff, ya know?

Question 4. You wake up one morning from a strange and complex dream which seems to
have rewired your brain: you have gained the ability to see the world through
another person's point of view. You will see with their eyes, think their
thoughts, feel their feelings, remember their memories. The other person will not
even realize your presence, but you'll remember the experience in full detail
afterwards. You can choose from all the people in the world: who is the first
one you meld with?

Having seen "Being John Malkovich" a couple of times, I can appreciate the interest in an experience like that.

Part of me would say my own father, purely because I have a hard time understanding the guy at times. He's always been a decent fellow and a good father, but it would help me to understand him a lot more if I was to see a bit of what he's seeing.

Another part of me would say that even seeing things through another's point of view is rather dicey because you're still seeing what they are seeing and applying your own point of view to their point of view. The implications for additional misunderstandings are staggering.

If neither of that holds true or possible, I'd choose to go back in time to Ben Franklin. He was quite an interesting fellow.

5. As if that wasn't a strange enough thing to happen while you were asleep,
things get weirder a few nights later. You fall asleep on the keyboard while
in the middle of playing a computer game, and are visited upon by Nesegatari,
the God of Video Games. He says that he will transport you into the game world
of any video game you choose, and you will be able to play, adventure, or
sightsee as you will. You'll be perfectly safe, as Nesegatari will bless you
with the Contra Code and 30 extra lives before you play. What game do you enter?

Strangely enough, I've fallen asleep on my keyboard more times than I prefer to mention...

I'd probably like to enter the Kingdom of Loathing. Seriously! I less than three any game than encourages eating and drinking booze to get more adventures. Plus the comedy in that game is priceless!

If not that, then one of the Monkey Island games. Those were also awesome in hilarity standards!

Beyond that, Sim City 3000. I always loved the idea of building a city and either destroying it with my anger or building something special with my generosity.

The Quizzical, Questionable Q&A!

A friend of mine, Trystera of the Glorious Devolucion, posted one of those "ask me 5 questions" question and response posts the other day. Normally, I am not one to participate in such activities because I usually don't find them intriguing. Usually the questions I see posted elsewhere are trivial, the Questioner asking questions that barely increase the synapse firing, let alone approach the level of anything that would be considered worth five minutes of my time.

Yeah, it seems dickish of me to say that but there are only so many times that I can answer "So, what flavor of ice cream do you like?" before my spinal cord wraps itself around my cerebrum and chokes it to death in a fit of boredom. Add into the mix the fact that I've been inside my own head for quite awhile, I thought it would be a good idea to step outside of my head and, well, step back into it armed with five questions that made me go, "hmmmmmmmm...."

This may very well be a multi-post if I find myself getting a wee bit too wordy. We'll see!

Question #1. Some big-shot director guy discovers just what a kickass person you are,
and decides to make your life story so far into a film. What music goes on the
soundtrack? That is to say, what songs do you choose to represent various
times / emotional states in your life? What exciting song plays over the end
credits?

See what I mean? Instead of the typical "what music do you like?" question, I actually have to ignite the Fires O' Thinking and put serious thought to my answer! +5 Awesome points to you, Try!

Putting my asides, um, aside, let me attempt to take this on in chronological order.

Birth to 5 yrs.

I would say that "In the Flesh?" off of The Wall would be a good start. I cannot recall pretty much anything from those years, apart from Mt. St. Helens' big asplosion and Jimmy Carter surveying the damage. I also recall the phrase, "Jimmy Carter, Peanut Farmer," though I cannot recall why exactly I chose to remember all that.

I also vaguely remember building a treehouse with my grandfather. I was in charge of safeguarding the hammer and nails, a respectable charge indeed.

I chose "In the Flesh?" because it is one of my favorite openings to one of my favorite albums. I guess the baby crying at the end of the song also ties into this, but no other connection beyond that is sticking in my head at the moment.

5 yrs. to 12 yrs.

"Mr. Roboto" off of Styx's Kilroy Was Here album. This one also seems strange, but it brings back memories of one of my older brothers who was (and still is) one of my best pals in the universe. Everytime I hear that song/album, I am transported back to when we used to spend a lot of time goofing off. I never felt like the nerdy kid brother that he had to drag around everywhere because Mom made him.

He introduced me to a lot of things that I still enjoy today such as writing, computing, hiking and the fine sport of belching. He always made me feel like I was cool and I don't think I ever quite had the nerve to thank him for that. If I ever find a Hallmark card that says "Thanks for being such a badass, cool as all get out brother," I'll have to send it to him.

I also say that "Flying" off of the Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour album would be a neat instrumental for this period. Even though it flows slowly, I just feel so free everytime I hear it. I remember those years mostly as good ones. I was learning a lot about how to read, handle simple mathematics as well as learning that it wasn't always a good idea to be the loudest, most obnoxious kid in school.

12 yrs. to 16 yrs.

"Land of Confusion" by Genesis seems to fit here, purely for the reasons that middle school sucked on principle. The first two years of high school were a little better, but I really found it hard to fit in. I guess Genesis's Invisible Touch album was one that I played often enough in those days, hence why that song still sticks in my brain even though I haven't listened to the album in eons.

16 yrs. to 18 yrs.

"Instanbul, Not Constantinople" as covered by They Might Be Giants. Those two years were something special. I found that fitting in with one of the high school social classes was bullshit so I pretty much did my own thing and discovered that while I didn't fit in one particular group or another very well, I at least got on well with pretty much everyone.

I would pretty much say that these were the Golden Era of my youth, where I pretty much goofed around, instigated mischief and embraced my creative nature almost unchecked. Sure, I did have a few emotional stumbling blocks, but overall I was in fairly decent shape.

It was a silly time and a silly cover song fits fairly well. I could have just chucked Dr. Demento's awesome library in these years if I had wanted to. As the slogan went at my job at the time, "We're here to create Fun and Fond Memories."

Boy, howdy.

18 yrs. to 19 yrs.

"Slip Kid" by the Who. I had been introduced to the Who by my eldest two brothers and have loved them ever since. T'was also my first year of college. In that time I became engaged and we split up after I caught her doing something (or rather someone) she shouldn't have, I got mono and bombed my second semester heroically, I discovered that being an art major sucked balls because everyone in that environment loved to take a figurative shit all over your hard work, and one of my granddads died.

It was a decent, yet sucky year. The euphoria left over from the Golden Era of my youth faded quickly and I found myself going, "holy shit, I'm not a kid anymore."

It was right after my grandfather died that I met She Who Must Not Be Named.

19 yrs. to 22 yrs.

"Been Down So Long" by the Doors & "Rusty Cage" by Johnny Cash.

To tell the truth, I hated the late nineties. I was plagued by a ex-girlfriend who stalked, abused and tortured me. I lacked focus and direction, going from shitty relationship to shitty relationship. I was chronically depressed and found myself more alone than I had ever felt before. The Ex had managed to manipulate my old friends into believing that I was a right bastard, evil and careless. She even had an negative effect on some of my own family members, the scars of which still haunt me at times.

It took years to repair a lot of the damage that she unleashed upon me. It took a lot of patience and strength to prove to everyone that I wasn't who she portrayed me as. It took twice as much to start rebuilding my damaged psyche. To this day, I'm still working at it.

I switched universities in the interim and it saddens me that I didn't get to enjoy my time at the second one because I was dealing with all that other bullshit. At the end of my college stint years later, I found myself a few points wiser and a few points more heartbroken and lost.

22 yrs. to 24 yrs.

"Love of My Life" by Cowboy Mouth. I spent most of this time in recovery. I didn't accomplish much of anything and I yearned for some direction and purpose. I jumped into a relationship with someone with less personal ambitions and more self-esteem issues than I did and finally ended it.

The Millenium changeover happened with little fanfare. I took my at the time girlfriend's drunken ass home and tucked her in at 11:20. Wheehaw.

And yet, I still clung to the feeling that Someone was out there for me. The right Someone, not just another Chatty Cathy type with severe personal issues.

I went from pizza delivery to waiting tables to school photography in that year. I had hoped that the photo gig would rekindle a spirit of creativitity, but I found myself simply going out on the road and performing repetitive tasks. A lot.

24 yrs. to 26 yrs.

"Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica & "Man In A Suitcase" by the Police.

I think I spent more time on the road touring through Texas than Ted Nugent during this time. My job required me to drive all over the place taking pictures, so I think I saw the insides of more motel rooms and the early side of 4:30 AM than I ever did before or probably after.

I did manage to get into a fairly decent relationship. One that had its ups and downs during those years. Overall, these years were just alright.

26 yrs. to 27 yrs.

"Exhuming McCarthy" by REM & "The Wanderer" by U2 and Johnny Cash.

2002 to the early part of 2003 was a really tough year. My house burned down and each day was spent toiling away trying to get my life back together. You never really realize how much you stand to lose when you lose pretty much everything.

Memories of that time were debt, work, debt, work and a lot of heartbreak. I don't really like to dwell on it more than I have to. Spent a lot of time trying to sort out the disaster and come to grips with the fact that I wasn't anywhere near where I had wanted to be earlier in life.

27 yrs. to 28 yrs.

"Silent Lucidity" by Queensryche. "Coming to America" by Neil Diamond.

After my grandmother on my dad's side of the family passed, I thought 2003 wasn't going to be one bit awesome.

Boy, was I wrong.

I would say that '03 was the Golden Era of my twenties. I actually had a lot of success at work that year, having filmed Buzz Aldrin AND being interviewed as part of a video editing show that was broadcast on the DIY channel.

It was also the first year that I made my first trip to California -- solo. If you've never had the experience of going on vacation by yourself, I highly recommend it. First of all, you don't have to give into other passengers' demands for food, rest stops or shelter. You go at your own pace, see whatever you want to and pick the music.

It's a ton of fun going with other people, yes, but you have to try going somewhere by yourself at least once in life. I even observed the tradition of blaring "Coming to America" as I crossed the California border, as is my heathen custom. Good times, indeed!

28 yrs. to 29 yrs.

"Loser" by Beck

"Loser" was actually supposed to be our senior class song in high school. We voted for it but the administration felt that a Smashing Pumpkins song was a more gentle selection. Highly inaccurate since we were likely the most apathetic senior class in the history of that school, but that water flowed under the bridge a decade since.

Yep, the year of my 10 year reunion. I came *this* close to actually going. I think I decided against because I just was lazy. I suppose that fulfills the "most apathetic senior class" prophecy now doesn't it?

I spent most of this year trying to reconnect with my creative side. I think some of my best work to date came from this time and whenever I look back, I know that I am actually capable of greater things than I've done since.

It's a question of shaking the perceptions of others and focusing on what makes me happy. I just have to be willing to let myself be happy, I suppose! Heh.

The Bad Thing for this time was the death of my other grandmother. I made another two trips out to California that year, one to see my grandfather specifically and the other with my pal, Doug. Both were good trips, although the solo to my granddad's was tough at times. I was glad I went anyway. Good trips for different reasons, I suppose I should say.

29 yrs. to Present Time (7/7/06)

"Time" by Pink Floyd.

I've spent the past year and a half trying to figure my life out. Haven't had the best of luck in a relationship, unsure of how to achieve what goals I have at this time and am currently in the process of a major life change.

My number one goal now is to be happy. How I get there is anyone's guess. I'm still figuring it out myself to tell the truth.

Turning 30 wasn't such a big deal until others around me made it one. That still pisses me off beyond measure. I didn't really give a damn about turning 30 until people started telling me that 30 was something to be dreaded. Assholes.

I guess that since I am reflecting on the past 30 years of my life, I should be more of the wise hermit on the mountain casting nuggets of wisdom upon the younger generations. Want to know how it feels to be this age and nowhere near the level of coolness and financial stability that you thought you would have?

Here, have a kick. Squawrr in teh nuts, as Cartman would say.

Do I regret a lot? Yeah, in many cases. It comes with making poor choices in life.

Do I think my life sucks? Nope. Truth is, if I hadn't made the choices that I did, I wouldn't be anywhere near the person I am today.

I think of myself as a decent, caring person. I have my flaws like anyone else, but overall, I think I'm cool. I may lack an understanding of why people are the way they are and when I should intelligently cut the connection between myself and the negative influences in my life, but I can't say that I would be the person today that my real friends and family love.

I have a ton of thinking to do and then I need to draw up a clear course for what I want in this life and how to achieve it. I will be truly happy, but it will take some time. Days, weeks, months, years. Thank Deus that I've been blessed with a ton of patience.

*End Credits*

Tough call on a song here. The story continues, even as I write this response. If exciting is part of the requirement, I could suggest a few choice numbers, otherwise, I'd just pick the sounds of the ocean slapping along the beach.

Seriously.

I've always had a special connection with the ocean and the sound of it is constant, ever-changing and easy to enjoy at times, as is life. While it may not be the whiz-bang "America, Fuck Yeah!" type of ending, it is the song that means the most to my life.

Pure and simple.