There are no maps of nowhere...

It really pisses me off to be this burned out.

As a creative type, I love to be creative. I love to unleash my fits of creativity and see where I'd end up. Lately, however, it feels like I've reached a three month long stoplight.

I've tried to give it a rest. Since my life is in a major state of transition, it is understandable that I would feel fairly drained. What shreds of creative ideas that are left are absorbed by my day job, where creativity is expected.

What frustrates me the most is the complete loss of momentum that I had going with the site. Churning out oodles of hilarious poodles. Good times and hilarity abounded until one day, nothing. I hate letting the site languish like this.

For that matter, I hate the fact that I'm essentially wasting $5 a month on TotalFark by not having any creative desire to enter Photoshop contests like I used to. I love doing that.

I just can't wait to get settled in and my life back on track. Patience until then...

Things, Stuff, Memories...

Apparently, my grandfather is planning to firesale all of his belongings before he shuffles off this mortal coil. He had been telling my mom and aunt for years. "I'm heading downhill, so pick out what you want."

When I say years, I mean decades. Yup. Man's healthy at a ripe almost ninety (doc compared him to a spry 70-yr old) and he's falling completely apart.

Mom asked me outright, "he's telling us to claim what we want before he goes, so what would you like?"

Strangest thing being put on the spot like that. Only things I could think of off the top of my head was some of his fire department equipment and his and Gran's old 8mm films.

Just seemed so strangely odd to hold a conversation like that. It really made me want to give the ol' guy a call and just tell him that I love him, just because.

Singing This Note...

The caretaker is always there where he's needed.
He doesn't wear silver suits or a mask or fly through the sky.
He wears overalls, he's the caretaker.
He listens, and you and me used to sit here in the dark
And watch the rocket man from Mars.

-Pete Townshend, Lifehouse Radio Play

It's been a long month. And yet it will be longer still until the task of starting over is finished. Will I know who I am at the end of the day? At that point, will I even notice, or care?

For a phoenix, my friends, must die before it is reborn. I can feel it coming. In some ways, it frightens. In others, it excites.

Regardless of how events pan out over the next few months, I will be reborn. I am fortunate to have those around me who are willing, and caring enough to stand vigil as it happens. It gives hope for a brand new day beneath the warmth of the sunlight yet to come.