Let's Clean Up and Go To...

Yep, another NSFW post. I swear I'll get back to good and wholesome entries in the near future! Heh.

I mentioned this in yesterday's Blog entry, so now I shall explain the origin of the phrase, "let's clean up and go to Arby's."

As many of my readers are aware, I edit video for a living. My jobs run the spectrum from new babies and weddings to independent student films and the occasional home-crafted porno.

Now, I'm not personally a huge fan of porn. It just never really appealed to me to watch other people play "hide the 2x4 in the sawmill," to be perfectly honest.

I realize that professional porn is a multi-billion dollar industry and good for them, but they have yet to receive dollar one from yours truly. If that's what gets you off, more power to you. I do not judge what you do in private.

Every now and then, a client will bring in some of their personal "homebrew" porn and ask that I transfer it to DVD or as a video file for their own editing. I have one simple rule that I adhere to and I don't hesitate to explain to the client this rule right to their face.

It goes like this:

"No children, no pets and if this looks like those or if it is coerced sex (ie rape or someone got slipped a mickey, etc.), I'm calling the cops."

I do not fuck around with this rule and yes, I have had to call the cops a couple of times when something just didn't look or feel right about either the client or the footage they presented for transfer. I do not keep copies of what they bring in, nor do I show any of my co-workers for laughs and after the job is finished, all files go promptly into the recycle bin for immediate deletion.

Well, the fun part of handling sensitive material is that sometimes the footage is more hilarious than perhaps the "stars" of the film intended. I can't discuss most of it, obviously, but this one takes the taco.

A rather husky couple were engaging in the throes of sexual congress for a good fifteen minutes. Imagine observing walruses in mating season and you get all the visual you require. I'll pause for a moment while you reach for the mind bleach to purify.

Good for them being free and open with their love for each other. What I didn't need to have permanently etched somewhere in my brainpan was hearing this...

"Oh, baby, you were so good! You rode me like a hungry lion!"

"Yeah, and to tell the truth, I am actually pretty hungry."

"You want to eat something?"

"Yeah."

"OH! I know! Let's clean up and go to Arby's!"

You're welcome.