1 2 3 4 United States Floating Corps...

This is my inner tube.

There are many like it, but this one is mine. My tube is my best friend.

It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life.

Without me, my inner tube is useless. Without my inner tube, floating down the river is useless.

I must air up my tube true. I must float away from sharp rocks, who are trying to kill me. I must pack my cooler well before the river attempts to flip me.

I will.

Before God I swear this creed. My tube and myself are floaters of the Guadalupe. We are the masters of our drunken destiny. We are the awesome wasters of time.

So be it, until there is no more river, but sand.

Amen.