Summer Dies Hard...

They call it "Der Bahn."

Loosely, and very half-assededly translated from my faint memory of German classes that I took fifteen years ago, "Der Bahn" means "The Road." Built in 1989 as part of Schlitterbahn New Braunfels' 10 year anniversary celebration, this hundred+ foot ride provides a fast downhill ride as you can race two other people to the bottom.

It's fast, it's a classic and it's easily my favourite ride in the park.

It's been a month since I last had the opportunity to ride Der Bahn and I've got the shakes worse than ever. I miss the heat mixed in with the brisk coolness of the water cascading over me as I hydroplane speedily down the steep track to the bottom.

I miss the rush of getting to the bottom of the ride and then hiking back to the top again. It is fairly possible that I am addicted to it, but I don't really care.

I've always hated the end of Summer. Having to put the inner tube away for the Winter just doesn't set with me, especially here in Central Tejas where Winter is a hilarious joke for Northerners to cluck their tongues at us for shutting down the state infrastructure because of a few snowflakes.

It's a little over 6 months from now when it'll all will really start coming back, so I have to get used to letting that part of me go into hibernation. With the exception of Halloween and St. Patrick's day, I'd be content to sleep the whole Winter away if I could.

I remember when I was a kid when I actually looked forward to Winter. The cold, the holidays, the food, I loved 'em all. Not so much anymore.

Sucks that it happens this way. You keep thinking that you're doing alright if you're around those who care about you and love you, but what do you do if still feel like shit about things?

Sure, you can feel lucky that you have people who love and care for you, but you have to truly understand the mindset of a depressive in order to understand what the hell they are saying. I get down this time of year because I hate it. I hate the holiday shopping rush, I hate how people treat each other this time of year (those who start acting like assholes/psychotic bitches over stupid shit and take it out on innocent bystanders), I hate the same fucking carols being sung apathetically.

I hate how tired and exhausted I feel every day from October to December from pulling late shifts, stressing out, etc. at work. I hate New Years now because it's bullshit. People making bullshit resolutions they'll never keep, feeling like they could "start fresh" simply because the year moved up one on life's odometer.

Just an excuse to drink and making fuck with your significant other or a perfect stranger if that is to your liking. Next day, you wake up to the same problems you had the day before. Nothing really changes.

Don't even get me started on Valentine's Day, a day I hate with the passion of the Christ. Everyone I've "celebrated" in recent years has been a disaster or a disappointment. Even if I am with someone I care about, I hate the fucking day. It's a bullshit holiday because if you love someone, you shouldn't choose ONE or TWO days out of the year to show it. Choose any day, or everyday how about, to show them ya care.

I thought about it and I think my utter contempt for Winter and the holidays therein is quite likely because I can't go swimming in the river or take my aggressions out on Der Bahn. I can't do a lot of my favourite things because it's cold and I'm too goddamned poor that I can't get on a plane and stay in the Southern Hemisphere for the next six months. Hell, I can barely afford to eat as it is.

I just simply don't have the same comfort in the Winter like I do in the Summer. I might be onto a breakthrough here... (makes notes to discuss with therapist...)

Anyway, thanks for reading. I needed to whine and bitch for a bit...