We Crossed The Line...

I've been clearing out some mental debris this past weekend in yet another attempt to realign my thinking.

It started when I was driving home after work on Friday and U2's So Cruel starting playing on my trusty iPod's "Assorted" playlist. The album it comes from, Achtung Baby, was one of those albums that reminds me a lot of high school.

Happy memories, mostly, but it is also the song I have queued up to help put things in perspective whenever I remember Her.

Some of you know all too well whenever I refer to "She Who Must Not Be Named." I now name to her as "Bad Wolf" now because typing out a dozen "She Who Must Not Be Named" is ridiculously labourious, plus it is a term more commonly recognized to people who aren't just Doctor Who or JK Rowling fans.

I played that song on the night I told her to get out of my parents house on the night she stopped by to ask me to go back with her. I was well through with our relationship and wanted nothing else to do with her. She was so quick to play music to me whenever she had a point she had to get across and that night, so did I.

It's a scene, like many others in my life, that just sticks out. It bothers me that this one song is forever tainted and therefore an entire album is also tainted, but there it is.

Just as "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" and "I Will Survive," favourites of hers, makes me cringe, so it is with "So Cruel." I hate that.

I hate it and I want my song back. I want them all back. All the songs out there that I connect with certain people and with bad memories, I want them fucking back.

I want my life back.