The Videographer And The Atheist

I sat under the shade of one of the trees outside work today, happily consuming some leftover crab alfredo pasta that I had made the night before. I was enjoying the calm of a sunny afternoon, wishing that I could be outside all day instead of working.

It was peaceful and relaxing. All was good and decent with the world.

Then, like a oncoming category five hurricane, the Atheist arrived.

I've had conversations with the Atheist before. He works in the same retail center as I do, so it's not uncommon to run into each other during the odd smoke break or two. Usually, our conversations are restricted to such things as the weather, how business is going and whether or not XYZ sport team has a shot this year.

I usually stick to the weather and business. Sports just were never really a big deal for me. I love going to events, but personally can't stand watching them on TV. I get bored way too easily having to listen to the miles of endless stats, plays and what the particular sportscaster thinks about what someone chooses for breakfast.

I do recognize the duality of my situation, I really do. For while I practically am a doctoral candidate for the area of Arcane Knowledge (Doctor of Trivial Knowledge and Useless Factoids), I just never could get into sports trivia.

Hell, I couldn't technically claim a single team as my 'favourite.' I'll usually pick up a few things about local teams that are enough to pretend interest. It's a tool of the trade, you see. A way of putting the client at ease that yes, I am a true-blooded American male and not some lowly communist subversive seeking to overthrow our Republic and American values.

I was taken rather by surprise by the Atheist's follow up question to the standard "how's business?" question. He stood there with a look of determination as I munched on my pasta.

"You're the video guy, right?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He nodded sharply before asking his next question, "How much do you charge to film events?"

I told him and he nodded again. I queried him on what event he was interested in having filmed.

"Well, it's a meeting of this Atheist action group that I help organize," he replied, "we're looking to create a recruitment video."

Now, personally, I don't really care what you choose to believe or not believe. As long as you aren't out deliberately hurting people or pestering me and wasting my time, I could care less.

I thought for a moment and said, "Alright, that sounds like a project. Think about what y'all would like to put together and get with me at the office if you are still interested."

His face lit up a bit. "And while I'm at it, you're more than welcome to just come to the meeting if you'd like! All atheists are welcome!"

I chuckled. "What gives you that impression that I'm an atheist?" I asked with a polite grin. I shouldn't have gone there. Very bad move. I just hate it when people automatically assume things about me and that always gets me into more trouble than Curiosity Cosby.

"Oh?" he queried, his body automatically adopting a defensive posture, "I just thought, ya were since you sounded interested in the project."

"Ah, no worries. I'm really kinda private on such things, always have been. I'd be happy to work with you on the project though..."

He frowned. "On second thought, go fuck yourself. Getting all high and mighty, I bet you're about to give me a sermon, right?"

"Dude, chill. I wasn't trying to start anything. All I was saying was that I believe in whatever I believe in but I'm also the type that says that everyone has a right to believe in what they want to believe. I believe that religion is a personal matter best left to the individual."

"That's retarded. Atheism is not a religion," he snorted.

I stifled a giggle.

"You disagree?" the Atheist needled.

"Yeah," I sighed, resigned to my fate, "I do. At least in the form that you are presenting it in."

"Explain," he chided.

I sucked in a quick breath...

"Basically, a true atheist wouldn't bother with meetings, action groups, posters, propaganda, lectures or invitations. Atheism in itself is the practice of believing that there isn't a supernatural force behind our creation or continued existence. There is no point in believing in a god, because he/she/it/them don't exist in the first place as Science has proven.

"A true atheist would recognize that and be content with that knowledge. There is no god, so let's live our life accordingly.

"Given the circumstances, I personally find it intellectually dishonest for atheists such as those who are in your group to rail so harshly on those who do believe in the Supernatural when for all intent and purposes, you are going through many of the same procedures of worship.

"Using Christianity and your group as an example, if you will excuse me for doing so:

"Christians believe in god and salvation through Christ's sacrifice on the cross. In this setup, you believe that there is no god and the only true path is science and human thought and reason.

"Christians go to church, which is a meeting combined with a lecture and readings from the Bible, followed sometimes by smaller group meetings and lunch. Your group also has a meeting where there is usually a lecture of sorts and discussion of books based on Atheism or related topics followed by chatting and refreshments.

"You claim Christians are out to convert the masses and bring them to church, which is funny because your group is also out to convert the masses and bring them to your meetings as well as to abandon the teachings of long ago mythologies.

"Church posts a billboard encouraging new membership, you do the same.

"Church passes the collection plate, y'all ask for a donation.

"I'm giving you the reader's digest, but I hope you understand that again I don't care a whit as to what you believe. It's personally none of my business. I just want you to recognize that based on my experience, Atheism is as much of a religion as say, belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

And that pretty much ended the conversation. He looked at me deeply in the eyes to see if I was going to start preaching at him for a moment and then he stormed off.

Guess I'm not getting that job...