Aw, Jeez, Not This Shite Again...

Hey, everybody, GUESS WHAT?!?!

No, really, GUESS!

Yep, that's right! It's time to elect a new President of the United States!

wellnotreallyuntil'08butstillwhyaren'tyoupeopleexcitedyet?!?

But don't let the media hear how disinterested you are! When there's not a missing white girl, a pop star on the verge of celebuicide, a senator getting caught for some wacky bathroom hijinks or actual news to report, you can bet that as sure as you woke up today, there's going to be wall to wall coverage of the Presidential feeding frenzy.

So, why are YOU not caught up in the fervor? Why haven't you sent in tens, no, hundreds, no, thousands, NO, YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS111!!!111!!ONEONE!! to the candidate of your choosing?

Do you hate America or somethin'? Fish out that credit card, purge the kids' college funds, sink yourself completely into hock for eternity. Your candidate needs YOUR help, so rush out NOW. Not later today. Not later next week. Rush NOW and back your favourite horse.

Because when they're not stroking the sychophantic cocks of the special interests for that orgasmic rush of millions of dollars spewing into their coffers, they're relying on YOU to feed the coal into the fire. That's right, YOU.

Prepare yourself for 24 hour, non-stop coverage of your candidate as well, providing that they belong to a major party that has quietly and long since abandoned the values of the voting public. Enjoy every dinner, every long-winded soliloquy, every ego-stroking, bullshit speech prepared by lobbyists and professional image doctors.

Watch them shake hands, kiss asses, decry the actions of the current administration, make pie crust promises that are sure to be broken as easily as washing one's hands. Watch as the media defies their false sense of fair reporting and support the one candidate that they are backing by minimizing their faults while exaggerating those of the other candidates.

Watch as the candidates quote Lincoln, invoke the wisdom of Washington, or urge their "Fellow Americans" to buck up and fear not ala Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The wisdom of such leadership has faded long ago, but the words spoken remain as fuel for the Political Machine.

Watch them throw catch phrases, abbreviations, sound bytes or fancy acronyms into the ether to see if they stick to the collective unconsciousness of we U.S. Americans. BOHICA, my fellow citizens, or rather, Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

Just one thing. Whatever you do, don't have the audacity to do ANY research into your candidate. Libraries are for losers, Bub, so JOIN THE WINNING TEAM! The Media's there to instruct you on who to vote for and if you aren't one for watching the news, don't worry, your candidate is bound to appear on MTV sooner or later...