Your Love Life Would Be Sweeter, If You Wrapped Your...

From the Myspace Blog of Paris Hilton, copied and pasted exactly as HRH Princess Paris of the Royal House of Hilton posted it at 11:47 PM on 5/8/07:

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My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

NLINE PETITION CREATED TO SUPPORT PARIS HILTON

To sign the FREE PARIS HILTON petition to
Governor Schwarzenegger that I have created...

please go here:

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/PH21781

I urge all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice to sign this petition.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you today's youth:

"Hi Paris my name is ****** & I'm your BIGGEST fan. I really want to start out by saying how upset & pissed I am you have to go to jail. I swear 2 god I cried because this is really ridiculous! The 1st thing that came 2 mind was that was the judge's decision because you are who you are. I don't think it's fair & it's not right! I was shoked when I found out but then I was like I should have seen it coming."

Absolutely horrible.

Apart from the obvious lack of proper grammar and spelling in this comment, I implore you to consider the logic behind this statement.

"The judge threw the book at Paris BECAUSE she is famous."

Hate to say it, kid, but the judge threw the book at her because she violated the terms of her probation for the crime of DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL. Here, let me cry these crocodile tears for the wealthy princess who must serve forty-five days at the pleasure of Los Angeles County because she refused to obey the law.

I'll touch on her having to actually serve time instead of paying a fine in a minute. For now, use your brain, kid. What if, while under the influence, she had killed your cat, your best friend or your mom? What if she had smacked into you personally and you were either confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your life or were killed?

How "shoked" would you be then, eh?

"Paris, This didnt have to happen! People should be concerned about the war ending, bringing home the troops, etc. This punishment/sentence just isnt fair, and thank god we are voicing our opinions! I hope it all turns out well. Can you appeal the sentence?"

Yes, in the United States of America, you are entitled to pursue an appeal of your case, providing that you actually have one.

Sorry, couldn't resist adding that last part.

She theoretically could appeal her case, but the success of that venture would be unlikely to overturn the conviction. She was caught red-handed violating the terms of her probation by driving with a suspended license.

As for the "unfair sentencing," let me direct you to the California Penal Code. Take special note at the punishments allowed for the criminal act of driving while intoxicated. A person may be confined for up to six months in jail for this crime as well as having to pay a fine.

She was originally given probation and had her license suspended. That was her warning. All she had to do was to keep her nose clean for the length of her probation and she would avoid a stay in the hoosegow.

She violated her probation and perhaps you thought that she could just skate through the judicial system by paying a fine, perhaps?

First of all, what's $400 to $2000 to a girl who's worth millions? She drops that kind of cash in having her nails done.

Secondly, if it had been yourself, myself, or any other average American citizen, we would have likely been sent directly to jail moments after the sentence issued forth from the judge's lips. The point of the justice system in this country is to provide fair and equal justice to all the citizens of the United States as well as to punish those who commit crimes in hopes of their rehabilitation. I believe that this is the judge's intent.

Forty-five days in the county cooler may very well help to straighten her out because quite frankly, I don't know what else would. And neither does the judge.

At best, she'll hopefully learn something. At the worst, she'll come out with more street cred.

Finally, how cute of you to mention that we should be focusing more on the "war and bringing home the troops and stuff."

Because everybody knows that a judge somewhere in California throwing someone famous in the clink for violating the law has everything to do with diverting attention away from the war. And it is no way ironic that such a comment would come from an individual who's posting this comment on the aforementioned someone famous' blog is it?

You want to point fingers at who's to blame for shifting the focus away from the important issues in this world? Point the first finger at yourself, point the next one at the sensational mainstream media and then kindly stick the remaining three up your ass.

"By the way, if you people that have been sending me messages telling me to STOP SUPPORTING PARIS THAT SHE DESERVES THIS, stop sending me that crap now!!! You idiots see this is a PARIS HILTON FANSITE...why wouldnt i support her??? So stop sending me that crap!!! I seriously dont appreciate it!!! I have gotten many messages like this and its not nice and she does not deserve this! Its all totally unfair!!

Paris Hilton is the sweetest, prettiest, beautiful inside and out, smartest, caring woman in the world!!!! [theres alot more nice things about you, it would just take forever. :]] so stop being so jealous of her and support her. :) She rocks my world. :)"

Wow.

I encourage all of you to bask in the sunlight of genius that surrounds us all, my friends....

Bask, I say, BASK!

And be sure to get on your knees and genuflect. Behold the slayer of demons, the cure to all disease and poverty. Behold the mighty saviour that is Paris!

Hail Paris!

Seriously though, wow.

"the only thing I would sign for Paris would be a death warrant.
The skank needs to own up, and face responsibility. "I had one margarita, and all I wanted was an In-N-Out burger"... Come on, Paris. Get real... and get ready to take it rough from Big Bertha in the slammer.

-Andria"

Andria, I love you.