The Center Will Not Hold...

Just about half the machinery in my department is on the verge of being sent to the scrapyard.

After five years of constant operation, it's a wonder how this didn't prop up earlier. How many thousands of miles of 8mm/Super8 film have travelled the distance between reels on the transfer rig? How many countless hours of footage have been transferred via firewire cable to my farm of PC's and Mac's?

How many hours upon hours of wedding footage, new babies and various perspectives of Disneyland have I sat through all this time? Honestly, it's been a good run for what I do have here. If I had to sit through that many weddings and baby hatchings, I'd suffer a nervous breakdown too. Oh, wait... Never mind.

Speaking of "run", did I mention that some poor chap had a literal fecal meltdown on the sales floor today? Dear gods please don't let that happen to me when I reach my 70's. The incident has now achieved legendary status here at work, one of those "Where were you when THAT happened?" incidents. You know the type. "Where were you when Teh Boss fired X for buying tacos while on the clock?" "Where were you when Y flooded the photo lab for the umpteenth time?"

I observed two co-workers in fierce debate over global warming. One strongly believed that 'climate change' is due to the natural processes of the Earth and it's Sun and not due to the actions of humankind. The other believed that everything was our fault and that we should have never started that whole Industrial Revolution nonsense in the first place.

Perhaps both are right or wrong. I am hardly an environmental expert. Just some guy who knows that the same discussion is boring as hell, Al Gore still flies on private jets and I've seen more Hummers and Dodge ubertrucks on the road now than I have during the past five years.

What astonished me the most this morning was during my commute to work. At a stoplight, I noticed one Major Brand (official name) gas station selling for $2.79 per gallon of regular unleaded. On the opposite corner, gas was going for $2.89 per gallon at the Shell. Standing alone at the corner exactly diagonal to me was some idiot Chevron station trying to sell regular unleaded for $3.09 per gallon.

Here's the shocking part: The $3.09 per gallon station was actually busier than the other two. I'm guessing it must be a group of people with Chevron cards but damn does that $0.30 difference per gallon between the Major Brand and Chevron add up quickly.

I really don't know how much longer I can take it. This one co-worker has been telling the same story about how he helped to clean up the residue from today's "incident." I swear that if I have to hear about how he was "HazMat certified to deal with Environmental Pollution" when he was working in a computer chip factory one more time, I'm going to stab my eardrums with this stapler.

Sad thing is, you think I'm kidding. Awww, hell, there he goes again, I can hear him in the next room. Blah, blah, blah. Congratulations, Mister Hero Of The Soviet Union, now shut up. Arrrggghhhh! *Kastaple!* *Kastaple!*

Ah, much better. I'll probably soon regret my decision to self-terminate my sense of hearing, but I haven't heard much worth listening to recently anyway. Variations on a theme, I suppose.

Heh. "Hero of the Soviet Union," indeed. Now that's teh funnah. I'm going to adopt that to replace "benighted twit" for the next week. Just see if I don't...

For example, I'm sure that you've heard of the recent passing of Jerry Falwell, Hero of the Soviet Union, this week. Also, Paris "Heroine of the Soviet Union" Hilton is only serving half of her original sentence. You know, I met someone who thought that the feminine version of the word "hero" was spelled the same as, and derived from, the drug Heroin?

Oh, Wonder Woman, you're my Heroin! Can I inject you into my vein?

I shall conclude today's rant of random joy with a random memory:

When I was a lad, I remember thinking that if you were charged with scraping Tammy Faye Bakker's eye shadow off her face, you'd need three jackhammers, a pickax and about 15 KT of TNT. Even then, you'd be lucky to break through the upper levels.