Spoiled Eggs...

As requested in a conversation I had with Wonko, I shall now spoil the season finale of Battlestar Galactica, therby ruining any possible surprises or potential enjoyment of discovery within.

After years of being on the run, the Colonials finally reach Earth. Sadly, however, the Earth's technology is well below the level enjoyed by the other 12 tribes of man, so it is up to the hardy men and women of the Galactica to bring them up to speed. Plans are discussed and schemes are schemed.

Unfortunately, our main two heroes, Captain Apollo and Starbuck, decide to break free from military life in order to open up a chain of fast food restraunt and coffee shops aptly called "Captain Starbuck's." This however leads to a major lawsuit with Starbucks Coffee, who decides to treat the two new residents of Earth to a lunch of trademark infringement and salad. Why salad, I have no idea.

Meanwhile, Adama, who has now grown a beard and is also sporting a self-styled hippie haircut, has secured the aid of his son's illegitimate son's friend, Troy in further bringing down the destruction of Colonial society by piping in old broadcasts about Paris Hilton and her wacky antics from Earth throughout the fleet.

Troy's bad-haired friend (and Captain Apollo's son) Boxey shows up to give the ladies something to stare at, although they are not staring in a good way. No, sadly, they just can't seem to get over how much Boxey looks like Dick Van Dyke.

The cylons finally show up and the hot ones (ie Number 6's & the Sharon models) go over to my house for beer and nachos, while the rest of the humanocylon models decide that this whole Earth business is just silly and they head off to fight the Romulans instead. Let's just hope they never realize that the Romulans are in a totally different show altogether and NO ONE make them any wiser, 'k?

So, yes, there's the 6's and Sharon's at my house. Oh, wait, the D'anna's can stay as well. And President Roslin can come over too if she wears that Dances With Wolves getup. Hooyeah..

Oh. Sorry.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, Romulans. Well after the rest of the cylons leave, the remaining colonists decide that Earth, with all our wars and wacky stuff, is also a silly place to be and that the whole journey was a big waste of time. They decide to colonize Mars instead and terraform it into a giant theme park and movie studio complex.

This doesn't go unnoticed by Disney, who had designs on Disneymars for years. They dispatch a crack team of WED lawyers and Roy Disney and they come to an agreement. The Colonials CAN have the licensing rights to the fry stalls and can sponsor the "Space Mountain" ride, but they cannot drink their ambrosia anywhere except within the confines of Mars 33, Disneymars' exclusive restaurant and bar.

Of course this doesn't sit well with Tigh, who will drink his booze any way he damned well pleases, so he leads a resisitance group against the occupying Mickey Mouse Stormtroopers which completely confuses this plot sixteen ways to Sunday.

And twice on Thursday.

Oh, and Baltar finally pays for his crimes against humanity by scrubbing every square inch of the New York City subway system clean with his tongue. And a pair of scissors.

And that, good friends, is the plot to the season finale of Battlestar Galactica. No need to thank me. :)