Whiskey

Hey!

What?

I've been ordered to make you do something.

Oh? By whom?

Um, no one you would know directly. It's impossible for the two of you to speak to each other.

Alright... That makes sense... Yep, perfect sense...

Well, he's the voice in your head that, um, controls the other voices.

Wouldn't that be me by default?

An extension of you, perhaps. He keeps track of everything you say, think and do and then issues commands to the rest of us to, um, influence you to make certain choices. Not that you usually listen or anything.

But wouldn't that be a conscience of sorts?

No, I've said too much already. How 'bout we just start over, shall we? Good.

Wait, you didn't answer my...

Nope, too much to do. So, what's the story on your lunch today? I just happened to look up and notice you were talking to someone.

How astute, Voice. I only talk to several different people a day after all.

HA! HA! The Feared Villian, Sarcasmo, strikes again! So, who was it?

An old favorite boss of mine from my theme park days, Steve. Hadn't thought of the guy in 13 years and suddenly, he just walks into the place I was eating at.

Ah. Did he recognize you?

Not after I asked if his name was "Steve *********" and let him access his brain for a minute to decide if he should bolt or stick around for a minute. I cut to the quick and told him my name, and suddenly he found that file he had stored away in his brain from 13 years ago.

That must of been wild. Completely different city and everything.

Yeah. Turns out the guy's been working for the bank that I belong to. Works at the branch down the street from my work, apparantly. We're supposed to meet for a beer sometime next week to catch up. He seems to be doing well. Married, two kids, living here in Austin. He looks about the same as he did 13 years ago, which I cannot claim the same.

Small world, eh?

True enough. When I run into someone from the past, it isn't usually somebody that I ever expected to see again. Usually not a person I'd ever think of tracking down after asking myself, "Whatever happened to ol' (insert name here)?"

Not that I don't have enough of a list of people I wish I could find and catch up with. I know perfectly well that the list I DO have is one that I'll never follow up on. After a certain point, it feels like creepy stalking, ya know?

Yeah... And you know how it feels to be stalked. Still, if they were old friends, wouldn't you think they'd love to hear from you?

That's the thing. I don't really know anymore. Chance meetings are one thing. If you run into someone and they want to meet up for drinks or something, that implies an offer that is neither binding or completely obligatory. You have the option to follow up, or lose the number. It's your choice.

When someone calls out of the blue, it means that they made an effort to find you. To me, it's usually unsettling unless I had a good working knowledge of the person's character beforehand. Scratch part of that up to paranoia as well, but in many ways it makes sense. Catching one off guard usually is unsettling anyway.

So, if you had a choice, which long lost friends would you like to get an e-mail from?

First choice?

Rachel.

Oh my god did I make a huge mistake by not staying in touch with her. She was beautiful, honest, a joy to be around and shared so many common interests.

I always wanted to go out with her as more than friends and I think she did as well. Problem was that our timing was always off. Usually when one was single, the other was taken. This went on for years.

I remember we were downtown one night, celebrating our birthdays. Rachel's was a few days before mine, so we usually had a week of drinking foolishness between them. That night, she talked to me and told me that she loved me. Really, truly and deeply. She had felt that way for so long and she said that she refused to take that piece of info to the grave.

Truth was, I felt the same way. I couldn't say that because I was taken at that time, a couple weeks ago being the start of a relationship that would eventually end in a lot of wasted time and emotional devastation. The gal I was with hated Rachel on sight and like a stupid fucking moron, I didn't fight her about it. Time took its toll and Rach & I drifted apart.

Sure, I was taking the high road or some such bullshit that I told myself on lonely nights with my cat/dog and a good book. The simple fact was that I sacrificed another friendship for a relationship. I'm not saying that Rachel and I would have been together, but at least I think we'd be still friends.

The same thing happened with other friends in the past. Lost touch or broke contact with friends over the years because of relationships I've been in or other stupidity that really wasn't such a big deal after all.

True, people will sometimes naturally drift apart over time. That's life, ya know?

Yeah, but this one still hurts, doesn't it?

Admittedly, sometimes, yes, it does. I'd be a fool if I didn't acknowledge that. But that's life. You win, lose or draw in life. You can't always get what you want.

But yeah, there's tons of people I wished that I had never lost contact with. I miss Danny (college), who disappeared after joining the Navy. I wonder if he's alright and if he and Jen worked out.

I wonder what happened to Virginia after she up and moved to the Panhandle. Is she still going for her Biology degree or has she moved on to California after all?

The list continues on and on.

The one thing I have decided is to work on keeping the friendships that I do have, regardless of who I'm with. No, wait, fuck that. If whoever I'm with doesn't like my friends, they can go into a field and sit on it.

I'm tired of losing good friends due to my negligence, personal drama or laziness. If a friend and I are naturally drifting apart, I'll try to do something about it. If nothing works then, yeah, let life take it's course with no hard feelings.

I just am sick of sitting here wondering about "what if's" and "why did I not's." Life's tough, but friends make it easier and more fun to boot.

Well said, sir, well said...