Romeo

Issue 4: February.

The entire month of February?

Yep. The whole Baked Alaska. I so very hate and loathe the month of February with every fiber of my being. On a scale of 1 to 12 of my favourite months, where "1" is the highest rated month, February rates a distant 407,339.

In my view, the Romans were smart as hell by attempting to shorten this month as much as possible. It's a cursed month and apart from this month containing the birthdays of three people who I love and care about, the rest of the fucking mess can go to Hell.

Such anger, young padawan...

And justifiable, given my history with this month. Losing two good friends (one to drunk driving stupidity, the other I mentioned a few days ago), both grandmothers, my apartment fire and more fun memories really left a mark on my soul.

Granted, some cool things have actually happened during Februaries past, but mostly each and every one has heralded the arrival of one disaster or another.

But, isn't Valentine's Day somehow able to counteract the misery of the month? All that love and cheerfulness?

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Holy shit! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!

Do you write your own material, Voice, or what?

So... I'm guessing no.

Valentine's Day and I just don't go well together. Either I'm alone and have to put up with cuddly kissy-smoochy people and Madison Avenue's constant barrage of ads for cuddly kissy-smoochy bears and diamond rings, or I'm with someone and the night somehow degenerates into a ballyhoo of drama. I've yet to have a date on Valentine's that flowed smoothly.

For me, V-Day is a halfway point through the month. A commercially-sponsored day when I prefer to crawl into a cave and nap through.

Maybe you just need to be with the right person for it to work.

Hrrrmmm, yes. Perhaps. Even then, it's still a bullshit holiday.

If you love somebody, you don't require a made up day to show someone you love them. You can choose any day of the year to do that. Hell, April 15th could be full of love if you choose it to be.

And if there's anyday that could use more love, it'd be THAT day.

Assuming our non-American readers would understand the reference to the normal IRS tax deadline.

Of course.

Perhaps I've just cast myself completely into the Summer Camp of Cynical Minds, but Valentine's serves little purpose other than to fill the coffers of business and to make people either feel good about themselves for a night well done or to make those without an S. O. to feel worse.

It's a conspiracy between DeBeers and Hallmark to drain our wallets and make us suffer. Soon, the kissy-smooch smooch bears will transform into giant freakin' robots and we'll all die a slow, painful magical death!

Oh, and CANDY HEARTS ARE MADE OF PEOPLE! CANDY HEARTS ARE MADE OF PEEEEEOOOOPPPPLLLLLLLEEEEEE!

So, February bad, eh?

I have yet to meet the one that broke the mold. Maybe one will surprise me someday but until then, I must be ON THE ALERT and safeguard myself from danger.

Paranoia, paranoia, everyone's coming to get me?

Yeah, I'm not sick but I'm not well.

As an aside, it's funny to me to realize that I picked post Romeo so that I can totally shit on Valentine's Day.

Indeed. Especially given how Romeo ended up after his love life turned to shit.

Good thing this wasn't planned or anything. People might talk about behind the scenes scheduling shenanigans.

And that just wouldn't stand, now would it?