Oscar

Item 1: Letting people walk over me.

Oh, this'll be good.

A measure of hush please, Voice, if you will?

Heh. Please, do continue!

In this issue, I find myself sometimes promising way more than I can deliver. I am, by my nature, a very methodical person in several areas of my life. Perfectionalism is good so long as it doesn't slow you down too much, however there is a certain time when "it's good enough, dude," is reached and I need to learn where that point exists.

If I have too much to do, I need to learn how to say no.

Feeding into this is that I'm not a very fast person. I tend to take my time on tasks, which is why I fit in well in a position where attention to detail is important. I can multitask, but I really do not enjoy it. I'd rather finish two things that are excellent quality than to rush through five things that look like utter shit. My viewpoint is that if you're going to do something, do a good job or what the hell was the point?

Attention to detail doesn't necessarily matter in certain things like, oh, pre-washing dishes and folding laundry. I'm not quite OCD, but utter disorder and chaos isn't really how I enjoy my life. I don't mind some clutter and there are times when I'm just too gorram lazy to fold the laundry.

And yet, I attract lazy, messy slobs who say that if a person hasn't completed a fifteen page list of tasks for them in three hours, I'm slower than molasses.

The problem is that I agree to do too much simply because I love and/or care deeply for that other person, so yeah, the caretaker in me kicks in and before I know it, in one night after working all day, I'm cooking, cleaning, conciling bank accounts, paying bills, doing laundry, fixing computers, giving directions, feeding and cleaning the animal(s), checking the car's oil, setting up the new stereo, taking out the garbage and cleaning the bathroom while she sits on her ass all night watching TV and talking to her friends.

I cite that merely as an example, and while that wasn't a typical evening for me, it's a sign as to how I assumed such a role in relationships. I would willingly take on the burdens, even to the point of exhaustion.

And that was without having to take care of kids. I couldn't even imagine how much that would add, if I was maintaining the same schedule with the same lazy person on the couch.

Work is kind of the same way. I bust my ass all day and sometimes take in more work for turnaround times that are sometimes unreasonable. I cite for example every Christmas I've worked. The intake is good, but then I'm pulling tons of extra hours a week to get the work done.

As a result, I would spend 8 to 14 hour workdays then follow it up with another 6 to 8 hours of housework. It's amazing how fast a schedule like that will drain you.

No shit. I can understand that you have stuff to get done, but where is the time you have for your own relaxation or working on your own fun stuff?

Good thing I'm an insomniac, I suppose. I've found that it was always better to fly below the radar instead of above it when it came to "honey do" lists and company workload.

The worst part about it was that I found myself being led by my exes into giving up what I liked to do, spending my money on shit that I didn't like to see, do, buy, etc., and into putting up with a lot of emotional hurt and bullshit that I didn't need in my life.

This kind of stupidity begets stress, which begets depression and feeling like butter stretched over too much bread.

If I was to get into another relationship on this level, I'd probably do the same stuff. I'd seek out the gal who has self-esteem problems of their own and who would latch onto me like a virus. I'd let myself switch back into caretaker just like second nature instead of allowing myself a greater measure of self-respect.

It's that knowledge that depresses me and hinders my emotional well being.

You deserve better than that.

Well, thanks, Voice. For years, it was getting myself to believe that I deserved better treatment than that that has been the greatest obstacle to progress. A relationship should be balanced, not slanted towards one person being a butler while the other goes through life acting like royalty.

Work should be something I enjoy, where I can realize my boundaries and stick to them. Sure, I can push the envelope between comfort and reality, but to be better aware of my limitations.

That's the key thing. To not willingly be a pushover. To set limits and to set more time for myself and my interests. To, gods forbid, relax every once in awhile!

Something to consider, I'd say...